Things that I want to do and I don't want to do
I recently watched a video of Ali Abdaal where he said that if he can go back to his past self and start again, he will definitely do more journaling because as "the journey before the destination" matters the most, it will always make me remember the things I went through. So I think why not? I am doing journaling for some time now, not regularly, but I do have some phases in my life, where I do profuse journaling and then I just stop doing that again after some time I start. So I am gonna make this a blog thing, so I will have to post something about my life here anyway. It will motivate me to do more journaling. π π
People are not watching these blogs so much, so I think nobody will notice that I am posting something here every week, so, there is no fear of judgment. And also why in the world would somebody would like to read about my feelings and my life? So it is pretty fine. ππ
Carrier Crisis
So today is day 1 of journaling in this blog thingy. I started this blog for some reason. From the very beginning, I always resented the 9 to 5 jobs. When I was 10 and my mum used to tell me to study more, so I can get a govt job, I asked her, if I study hard now, then when I will get a job I still have to work hard and can't rest, so what is the meaning of it? She told me it is about freedom. I don't have to ask anyone for money, so I will basically be free. π²π΅π΅
Hating the 9 to 5
I sometimes imagine myself in my 30s, waking up at 6 am in the morning, then taking shower and get ready. Cooking something for you and your family because you are a "woman" so make tiffin for your children and others is your "duty". Then travel by bus or train to go to work and working for 8 hour and daily commute of coming back to home and then helping children study and cooking dinner. How can somebody think that is freedom or a good life? π¨π¨
I feel it will be torture to me. I rather prefer staying at home than doing this kind of labour to survive only? No man. I am not gonna do that was my first response. But when I said that to her, she thought I was being lazy of work and stuff so I had to study, but I didn't find any kind of motivation in studying because I was scared that if I do well, I will be punished in that bad life. I wanted to run away from all this and the recurrent thought of mine, before going to sleep was, if I would be a daughter of a king (I mean literally), then I don't have to do that. I don't want to fight and work on a daily basis just to earn a certain kind of money or to just survive. πΈπΈ
But it was not the same with people surrounding me, so it made me feel that I am weird, so I tried to not think about it and started studying. I wasn't very good at school, kinda mediocre. somehow I completed school, college and then the question came to me again. Everybody told me to join a coaching centre and start preparing for govt jobs. I wanted to run, but I can't think of me being "that woman". I somehow managed my mum to believe that I want to pursue a post-graduate degree and she agreed and let me do that. After masters it again the question of getting a job. I don't want to do these 9 to 5 jobs. ππ
Being a Businessperson
Me being always hating the normal jobs, it is obvious that business is my kinda thing. I always wanted to do a business and be an entrepreneur. It would be cool to own something, so I don't just have to survive and earn money, I can do the things I love, when I work I can see the "fruit" of the work and will get financial freedom also. When I went to Shimla at the age of 17, a man in a shop saw me talking to my family and friends, and he told my parents that I am a business kinda person. He was himself a professor and his family business is this shop. He told them that he saw many kids in his lifetime in teaching and he knows what everybody is made of and he somehow knew that I am going to be a business person. When I heard that I felt this is the first person in the world who understood me. Business somehow felt like my thing. I wanted to do that for so long. But I didn't know what to do and how to start and as they say, "you need a lot of money to start a business", it was out of the question. I can't ask for money from anyone. it is so embarrassing. And I don't even know what to do and which business to do. I still think about this today, I don't know if I will ever be a businessman? Maybe. One day. If I ever get to do this, you will definitely know. ππ
New Love
Somehow, in the meantime, I fell in love with my subject anthropology. I love reading it and thinking about it. I am still not a very bright student. But now, when I think about getting a job, think I can survive if I do something related to anthropology. The first thing that came into my mind was being a professor and teaching student. I was not sure about it. now I feel that I like teaching people something. I like teaching people about something valuable, but I don't like teaching kids, I want to teach adults. Maybe a professor is a thing for me. Maybe it will work out. But the seat to be a professor in anthropology is very limited and it seems that there are so many people more qualified than me to get a post. If luck works, maybe someday I will get a chance to teach young people about anthropology. About that subject which is not only a subject for me but a way of life. A love a passion and everything in my life comes into it and goes through it. ππππ
Conclusion
Until I get a chance to teach people directly or be an entrepreneur, I will do this in the blog. Maybe I will continue doing this also after that. If people read these then fine if don't also good. I am kinda scared of people reading it and judging me, but you gotta be thick-skinned mate. But I will feel that I did my fair share, I worked on my passion and shared that with the world. If anything good happens then great, but if it doesn't there won't be any regret man. ππ
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